The Hardest Part

I am what some psychologists and sociologists call an ENFJ/ENTJ. Essentially this means I enjoy the company of other people, I am creative and abstract, I use my head about the same amount as I use my heart when making decisions, and I prefer an organized and predictable approach to life. Being an EN(F/T)J has been great for teaching. It helps me relate to others while not becoming too involved in the emotions of my students. It helps me when evolving and developing my lessons, trying to make them as interesting as possible. It helps me stay organized and keep track of the 1000+ things every public school teacher must keep track of.

Unfortunately, being an EN(F/T)J isn't really beneficial  for pregnancy.

When you're pregnant, it's important to focus on yourself moreso than ever. It is important to look at the facts and live in the present, rather than thinking of all of the possibilities (good and bad) in the future. But the character  trait I possess that is perhaps the least compatible with pregnancy is being a J.

The following comes from myersbriggs.org and explains what it's like to be a J:

To others, I seem to prefer a planned or orderly way of life, like to have things settled and organized, feel more comfortable when decisions are made, and like to bring life under control as much as possible.

• I like to have things decided.
• I appear to be task oriented.
• I like to make lists of things to do.
• I like to get my work done before playing.
• I plan work to avoid rushing just before a deadline.
• Sometimes I focus so much on the goal that I miss new information.

So, as one can imagine, being a J doesn't work so great with being pregnant--especially considering I'm going to try to do this natural birth with a midwife thing.

 I'd be a lot more comfortable if I knew the exact day I was going to have Poppy, but I don't. And my method of childbirth doesn't make a lot of room for scheduled induction if he doesn't come on time.Babies don't go by schedules.


I'd be a lot more comfortable if I knew how big Poppy would be. I'd have a lot more courage to give birth to Poppy naturally if I knew he'd be six pounds, but I don't. He could be ten pounds. And there's really only one way to find out. (I gotta say, if I knew he'd be ten pounds, I'd be jumping ship on the whole natural childbirth thing.)


I'd be a lot more comfortable if I knew how Chris would react to my labor. Will he be able to talk me through everything and keep me relaxed? Will he freak out or clam up? Will he pass out at the sight of . . . well. How is your husband supposed to coach you through childbirth, the most stressful experience of your life, when he doesn't have any experience? (Dannika's birth was scheduled, medicated, and completed via C-Section.)

I'd be a lot more comfortable if I knew Poppy was going to be healthy. Am I going to regret that latte I splurged on this morning? Can I take some pain reliever for those dislocated ribs or do I need to just lay down and push through. If I ingest any more I iron, I will surely throw up. Do I have to? Am I endangering my child by not taking it? 

I'd be a lot more comfortable if I could buy everything I'm going to need for Poppy in advance--if I knew which nipples he'd take to on his bottles and pacifiers, since he'll be primarily breast-fed, if I knew what diapers best held his poop, if I knew which blankets best swaddle his little body, if I knew which formula to supplement with. But as it is, I'll be needing to go to the store rather frequently at first. Because despite knowing that he seems to be an active fellow, I really know nothing else about him.

I'd be a lot more comfortable if I knew what comforted my son. Will he like swaddling? Will he like noise? Will he want to be held all the time? Will he want some space? How am I going to help him?

These days I am wishing more than ever that I was a "P" instead of a "J". Then I could go with the flow calmly and comfortably. But I'm not and I don't. I worry a lot. I like plans. I like expectations. I can only hope that when it comes time my J will help to make sure Poppy gets to all of his practices on time, that it will help teach him responsibility, that his college applications will be in weeks a head of time. But until that day. . . the uncertainty is perhaps the hardest part of pregnancy.