What I've Learned So Far

* You see pieces of yourself in your child, but mostly, they are just them. They are not necessarily a combination of you and your partner--they are a unique human being.

*  Every minute counts when you have an infant. Since having Aidric I find myself measuring time not by hours or minutes, but by the amount of time I have until he'll probably want to be fed again. I find myself choosing things like eating breakfast or getting a shower in over more sleep.

* Nursing and being pregnant force you to make healthier choices you wouldn't always make because your health and longevity effect someone else in a more direct way than ever. It's easier to pick the oatmeal over the doughnut than it used to be.

* I still like doughnuts.

* My body wasn't nearly as destroyed as I expected it to be after childbirth. I'm carrying around an extra ten pounds. My hips and ribs are wider. My bust is larger. My belly is softer. But you know what? It's really not that bad. I look like myself, about half of my pre-pregnancy clothes fit, and my husband thinks I'm beautiful, so who cares? I'll get where I want to be eventually.

* Speaking of destroying your body, did you know that the level of trauma on your body during childbirth is like being in 3 car accidents? Fun fact.

* I now know for sure when I became a mother--it was when I said my stepfamily vows to Dannika.Any sort of bias I may have had towards my biological child was nipped in the bud when I promised myself two months before the wedding that I would love her, that her father and I would show her what a healthy relationship/marriage looks like, and that I would always be respectful to her biological mother. Since Aidric was born it has been of utmost importance to me to make one-on-one time for Dannika every day whether it be reading a book together, praying for her at bedtime, or planting flowers with her out in the yard. She is my child, just as Aidric is, and I want the very best for her in life.

* Nursing clothes are ridiculously expensive for what they are. If I had any sort of background in business or fashion design I would create the Target or Kohls or nursing attire and completely OWN the market.

* Speaking of nursing, breastfeeding is one of the hardest things I have ever done. This includes moving to a different school district as a pre-teenager, getting an A in math class (those who know me can appreciate this one), teaching 7th grade English at an impoverished school, and moving past a heart wrenching break up. I always knew that breastfeeding was difficult, but I didn't really understand why until recently. Simply put you get to do something that physically hurts and exposes yourself inappropriately once every 2 hours for approximately 20 minutes and while you do it, you can't do much else. Repeat every 2 hours around the clock, but feel free to take a longer break at bedtime. You know, say, 4 hours. Continue for the next several months.

Oye.

And yet, I still do it because it's good for my baby and giving my baby formula makes me feel guilty.

* Other things that make me feel guilty: Not picking up A.J. when he wants to be held, giving him a bath, not giving him a bath, making him do "tummy time", not making him do "tummy time", not talking to him enough, not singing to him enough, not sheltering him enough, sheltering him too much, and so on. . .

* Aidric's favorite setting on his "Sleep Sheep" is called whale. Essentially, my son finds the sound of an alien mating call soothing. To each his own.

* I am not scared to go walking around my neighborhood by myself or with my dogs. Walking around the neighborhood with my baby racks my nerves.

* I'm getting very good at doing things with one hand. I'm typing this entry mostly with my right hand, because Aidric is sleeping in my left.

* Stay-at-Home Mom= Professional Worrier

* It isn't "the miracle of childbirth". It's the miracle of a child.

Birth Story Part 3: Finale!

Today is Aidric’s 1 month birthday.  It is probably time I ended the story of Aidric’s birth, so here it goes.

Again, I want to forewarn readers that this entry is more graphic than the usual reading you will find on my blog. Please be advised to stop reading if you’re one to be offended or disgusted by details of a birth. . .

Now where did I leave off?

As I said before, I was permitted by my midwife to wait another 3 hours (approximately midnight) before starting Pitocin. Unfortunately, at midnight I was still around 4-5 centimeters. Not quite halfway dilated to pushing stage. I had no choice. I had to be hooked up to an IV with Pitocin. No laboring in the water for me, no walking around freely, and  some seriously strong contractions lay ahead. I had been up for the better part of two days.  The outcome of a natural birth was now gone and there was a good chance I’d end up seeking pain medication. I told myself going into it that I wouldn’t beat myself up about it if I ended up requesting meds and looking back on it, I still don’t.  After 18 hours of labor, several of which were on Pitocin, I ended up requesting the epidural and around 19 hours I got one.  Here’s why I did what I did: 

A.      I couldn’t have truly had a natural birth anyways. I was already on Pitocin and that was going to put me at a higher risk for interventions I wanted to avoid in the first place by not getting an epidural. Avoiding those interventions was my largest reason for wanting a natural birth.

B.      I only had a few hours of sleep over the course of two days.  My body was completely worn out.

C.      They doubled my Pitocin dosage without telling me a couple of hours in. Coincidentally, it wasn’t long after that that I requested drugs.

D.      Aidric was born “sunny side up”. Two words: back labor.

E.       My nurses, while competent, had not been very helpful in helping me deal naturally with the pain. When you’re in labor, you can’t really be the one telling them what you need from them to help. You just need them to do it.

F.       I love my husband dearly, but the same goes for him. He didn’t know how to help me unless I was telling him what to do and trying to deal with the pain and tell him what to do were too much. As he said, “When someone is in as much pain as you were in, you just don’t know how to help them.”

Was I a little mad that we spent money on a 12 week natural birth class and I bailed? Yes. Do I feel a little robbed of the bragging rights I would have had to say that I gave birth naturally? Yes. But I have to say that getting the epidural wasn’t nearly as bad as I had made it out to be. First of all, I thought getting a large needle put into my spine would hurt like crazy, but truth be told, getting an epidural is like getting pinched on the arm while someone is simultaneously breaking your leg. You’re in so much pain, you don’t even notice it. Secondly, I thought getting an epidural would rob me of “the birth experience”, but it didn’t do that either. I could still feel my back, my legs, etc. I could tell when I was having a contraction and I could tell when I was supposed to push or when a contraction was coming on before the hospital staff could. Not to be graphic, but I recall the feeling of Aidric leaving my body and it was an amazing moment—partially because it was absent pain.

Around 10:30am I was 10 centimeters dilated and began to push. Luckily, our birthing class wasn't a total wash. I ended up utilizing my favorite birthing position from class (side-lying) to give birth to Aidric and I used music to help keep the mood of the room positive and upbeat. At 12:30pm they told me that if Aidric wasn’t born soon, I would need an episiotomy and they would be calling in Dr. Bedia to do an assisted vacuum delivery.  Aidric had gotten stuck and we were both losing oxygen. These things were a collection of my biggest fears. I would have much rather had a c-section than a vacuum delivery and I very much didn’t want my baby to be in danger. Susan told me to reach down and touch my baby. I felt Aidric’s head. I saw all of the staff coming in to do the vacuum delivery. I pushed harder than I ever thought possible. Aidric was born just seconds before I would have needed major medical intervention--12:42pm on April 3rd of 2012 to be exact. I dodged the dreaded episiotomy and was left with only a small tear. Aidric and I were both healthy. We made it!

This picture was taken just minutes after Aidric was born:

Aidric after he was cleaned up:

 Aidric with Dannika:

 Aidric looks at me with his big blue eyes. 1 month old today.

 God bless, 
          "Poppy Seed's" Mama